Children Do Best When Brought Up In Married Families

Children Do Best When Brought Up In Married Families
Source: UK's (Tony Blair's favourite think-tank)

It said it also accepted that children are better off with married parents than with parents who cohabit.

The report from the country's most prominent and influential Left-leaning policy group contradicts eight years of Government rhetoric saying that all families are equally good.

Billions of pounds have been targeted at single parents while ministers have undermined the legal and social status of marriage, according to critics.

But yesterday the policy institute acknowledged that research clearly showed that 'children who grow up with both biological parents do better on a wide range of outcomes than children who grow up in a single-parent family'.

The climbdown came in the think-tank's report on youngsters. This revealed that our teenagers drink more, take more drugs, have sex at a younger age and are involved in more fights than those elsewhere in Europe.

And yesterday - when the institute made its full report available - it said the breakdown of the traditional married family was at the root of this disturbed teenage behaviour.

It said: 'Changes to families, such as more parents working, and rising rates of divorce and single parenthood, have undermined the ability of families to effectively socialize young people.' This, it said, 'has shown that children of cohabiting couples do worse than those of married couples.'

end of quote.

As parents let us not be weary in doing good!


Disciple your families!

4 Ways to Raise Godly Children

1. Work on the heart issues.
We can focus so much on behavioral aspects of parenting. Like etiquettes, manners, communication skills and so forth. But the true test of discipleship is the heart. Whatever is inside will work its way out. Focus on OBEDIENCE, SELF CONTROL, WISDOM AND RESPONSIBILITY. Its all internal work that will produce great character.

2. Be present.
Being present is the greatest gift we can give to our kids. Being patient, being loving, being kind, being a forgiving parent all happens when you are there to see what is happening. Be there.

3. Build on your child's strengths.
Don't work so hard to on your kids' weaknesses. Positive training builds more character than negative words and comments. Greatness comes from building on our strengths not on compensating our weaknesses. Stay on your kids strengths. Find what they are good at and invest time, money and training in those giftings.

4. Be Mentored
There are many blindspots in our parenting. Other people see better what we normally tolerate. We can grow faster in areas of weakness as we allow other people to speak into our lives. Frustrations can be minimized if you allow yourself to see from other people's perspective. Do you have people speaking in to your life about Parenting and Marriage?

If it ain't broke, fix it.

You've heard “If it ain't broke, don't fix it.”


Just the other way around. In marriage, you should be proactive than reactive.

Wives hate it when you just fix things in marriage. They want development not maintenance.

My wife is into the Japanese Kaizen mode all the time. She loves continuous improvement in our house, kids, education, relationship with God, even in ministry. She keeps upgrading our kids education system, our daily meals and menus, our home decors, the way we live life at home... a lot.

I love her mucho for that.

My wife can be nominated for Proverbs 32 award. Sobra sobra pa. ("More than meets the eye" yan)

She can do multiple things at the same time. She can carry load beyond what people expect from her. She is wonder woman. I marvel at her for being the way she is. (Sometimes I wonder what's on our bill, She signs, I wonder.)

She is just BRILLIANT!

Some of the things we do to improve our marriage:

1. We treat each other with great respect

Respect can be defined as:

• taking your partner's feelings into consideration
  
• trying to understand other person's viewpoint first
  
• listening without interrupting
  
• keeping an open mind.
  
• Its basically "others"-centeredness.
  

Nothing makes a great home than honoring one another. Abundance of finances or things will never make you fully happy. But with a thoughtful, caring, honoring and respectful spouses a home is made beautiful.

2. We love each other unconditionally

Love improves relationships. When there is love the home becomes heaven. Wives easily respect a loving husband. Love attracts respect. Men, if you want great respect, give her great love.

"Love is like war: easy to begin but hard to end" - Anonymous

3. We listen carefully

Be quick to listen and slow to speak. When we talk a lot, we miss the most important things our spouse is communicating. Couples fight when they just want to be heard. They talk louder, with more volume. Thinking it will solve the issue. But improvement comes with a reflective ear.

Listen twice. Speak strategically. Choose you words.

For the men: Don't prove who's right or wrong. Just when you have proven you are right, you are already in the wrong.

4. We forgive unconditionally

Fights are unavoidable. Misunderstandings can come from all angles (normally on small things). But when you need to clarify, start with a forgiving heart first. Couples can actually fight clean. How? Forgiveness. Repentance is easier when both parties have humble hearts. And even if you got hurt several times, forgive still. 70 times 7 daily.

5. We learn from others

Copy from others. Imitate the good. There is no one who can claim he is the "original". Everybody learned from somebody. Whatever is lovely, whatever is pure, whatever is excellent, whatever noble, whatever admirable... COPY IT.

6. We celebrate our victories

Improvement is challenging, so with every small victory you gain CELEBRATE. This gets you excited for more.

Sibling Rivalry: How to deal

Gen. 50:17 ‘This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.’ Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.” When their message came to him, Joseph wept.

Have you experienced your kids fighting needlessly? Over what?

Over familiarity. Desire to be first, to be noticed, to have a bigger share.

I experienced a lot of this with my brother Ariel. Oh yes, Pastor Ariel Marquez of Victory Alabang is my Brother (for those who do not know).

Growing up, we share one big bed.

Big Mistake.

From Grade school to High School we have to endure each other every night. Grrrrr!

I thought about it now having kids, it produces so much unnecessary irritations. Most especially to my brother. My brother will wake up in the morning embracing my feet. Sometimes I feel (in the middle of the night) he's pushing me out of the bed, cause I moving from a 12 'o clock sleeping position to 3 to 7 o'clock postion and he's all mad because he is getting so little a space for himself.

One time he was dreaming that he was embracing his girlfriend only to find out its my right foot. Yikes!

One time I got all the bed covers for myself...wow.... BIG FIGHT!

There's a lot of things to quarrel about. Who gets the perfect egg on the breakfast table, the new shoes from the states, the new English leather cologne from dad, who's going to use the car this Saturday night, who's staying to watch the house, who will clean the dishes this time... etc.... a lot...

Dilemma: who's the referee when things go wrong?

I love my dad. He was so kind and loving --- but he never get to resolve our petty squabbles.

Therefore, we have to settle things in our local court: "Our room", "Our way".

But I am so glad that was the past, we have resolved many unresolved bed fights already. Being a Christian now, (and a Pastor for heaven's sake) we can forgive each other from these silly fights.

shifting gears...
Parents need to be aware when our kids are in this condition. Irritations are inevitable.

My question: In your family, who resets the button when squabbles happen? Who mediates the fights? Who judges ? Do you watch over the hearts of your kids? Do they trust a fair, legal system at home? Do your kids fight a lot? Do you teach your kids to reset the buttons of forgiveness? Is peace a big thing in your home?

Good news.
God is a fair judge. God never sleeps. He is always on the look out to make sure each one fulfill his destiny. We can learn from Him.

Lesson:
1. Trust God.
2. Forgive.
3. Expect less, Love more.

By teaching kids to trust, they move on faster to the next learning destination.

Forgive. Release. Live life.

Murphy's Law @ Work in My Wedding

Finally, after 15 years the wedding of the century video is out.

We were able to transfer our wedding video from BETAMAX to DVD.
Hoooraaayy!

I have never seen this video ever.
Don't know actually if I really want to see it. Here's why:

Have you heard of the MURPHY's LAW?
Well, Murphy was all over us on our wedding day.

1. The Pigeons. During the exchanging of the vows, Pastor Steve can't help but be distracted when all our pigeons from the bell were off the hook. Flying everywhere, wishing they could find an opening. Whew! Finally they caught it. Mangled and brutally put back into the bell. Now during the program when we needed them to come out, some wise guy locked the bell so tight we couldn't open it. Haaaaayyyy! Murphy!

2. The audio recording of the prophecy. Double checked the tape. Cued to start. Instructed the tech guy. Then after the wedding I was trying to check the recording... Alas. The RCA jack was plugged on the "Playback" instead of the "record in" buttons. Grrrrr... Finally, I told Ivy to relax. Its recorded in Video (They were Professional). After seeing the Betamax's unedited version, it was not there. Reason? Videographer thought they needed to save tape space because its all talking, and talking and to them it was useless. Grrrrr!

3. The Wedding Singer. Ivy's unforgettable friend. Susan Cipriano. She was Ivy's officemate in Barclay. A Great singer. Committed. Loves God. But the week prior to the wedding she was all excited, practicing night and day. This simple song: "Great is thy Faithfulness!" Wow, so easy. But I guess she wanted to be sure. So, everyday she rehearsed. Finally, on the eve of our wedding we received a phone call and no one was talking in the other line. Helloooo? Hellloooooo? Who is this... Yes, you guessed it. It was Susan, with no voice. hmmmmmmmm.... Minus three.

4. The Musicians. Ivy and I dreamt of a quartet playing in our wedding, but we figured it would be almost half of the food cost. So we sourced and went to UST conservatory of Music. Found a Music grad majoring in Violin. They played at the Manila Penn. Saw them play. They were good. So they agreed to play at our wedding for one fourth of the original price. Wow! What a bargain. But during the wedding day, as we were doing the sound check, the musicians arrived with a bad news... He (Levin) was the only one who could play, his friends weren't available. To make the matter worse, he invited his dad instead of playing the piano he brought an accordion. ACCORDION??? "What's this fiddler on the roof? Hey its my one and only wedding." I gasped. So, I just let them eat and relax in a corner. Then played an instrumental Cd.

By this time my head was numbed.

"BUT THIS IS THE WEDDING OF THE CENTURY" I said to myself.

When the ceremony started, I realized that God's spirit was more powerful than Murphy's law.

Three things that didn't go wrong:

1. I married the right person.
2. We honored our parents.
3. God was honored in our wedding.

So, what can we learn from this ?
Put your trust in God He will make all things beautiful (in His time - After 15 years).
Marry the right person. Honor your Parents. That's all that is important actually.

After 15 years, I could barely notice the errors in video and the mistakes that was glaring during that "moment" because God is so good! He either renewed my mind or God miraculously changed the scenes in the video.

Even in our errors God can be glorified.

1Cor. 1:26 Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth.

BE HUMAN!

Five Minutes Of Play Can Make A Big Difference In Your Relationship

"An hour of play reveals character more than a year of conversation"
Plato

Kids world is all about play. Fun. Joy.


FIVE MORE MINUTES WITH TODD:

While at the park one day, a woman sat down next to a man on a bench near a playground. "That's my son over there," she said, pointing to a little boy in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide. "He's a fine looking boy," the man said. "That's my son on the swing in the blue sweater." Then, looking at his watch, he called to his son.
"What do you say we go, Todd?"

Todd pleaded, "Just five more minutes, Dad. Please? Just five more minutes."

The man nodded and Todd continued to swing to his heart's content.
Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his son. "Time to go now?"

Again Todd pleaded, "Five more minutes, Dad. Just five more minutes." The man smiled and said, "Okay."

"My, you certainly are a patient father," the woman responded.

The man smiled and then said, "My older son Tommy was killed by a drunk driver last year while he was riding his bike near here. I never spent much time with Tommy and now I'd give anything for just five more minutes with him. I've vowed not to make the same mistake with Todd.

"He thinks he has five more minutes to swing. The truth is . . . I get five more minutes to watch him play." Author unknown

Observations:

1. Play time reveals more truth about the child because he is totally engaged in it.
2. Kids are uninhibited during the course of play.
3. They never get tired playing.
4. The kid's attention is at all time high during play.
5. After the play , parents can actually tell all they want to say and the kids will listen. (Respect begets respect)

Having fun is the key to unlocking a child's learning behavior. During playtime, kids learn a lot of things like: instructions, rules, fairness, team work, enemies, time's up etc...

But is it always play time? No. The key is play with purpose. When you learn to use the time allocated for play to learn, then you get maximum learning results.

Use all possible means to teach God's word, faith and character.

Deut. 6:6,7 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Next time you want to engage your kids, learn to play.

3 Most Common Fights In Marriage

Money. Communication. Sex.
(To remember, try "MCS": Makati Cinema Square)


He said. She said. Complaints. Expectations. Fights and arguments.
"She splurges. He never talks. He lost his romantic ways. She never honors my decisions. No Sex for months etc..."

After the wedding day these 3 things will immediately find its way to the top list of conflicts in marriage.

How can we resolve this?

All these 3 are skills based areas in marriage that requires tune up every so often.

You cannot say you're good already with communication last year and this year you don't have to think about it. Same with money and Sex/Romance. All three requires daily renewal.

This will be a three part series talking about each of them and how we can improve on each.



Hope to hear from you soon.